I was very excited when Main Line Magazine asked me to write an advice column listing the top ten things to avoid when planning a wedding. The feedback has been wonderful!   I thought, just before the second 2008 Wedding season hits, you might want to take another look at it!

So much advice. So many critical decisions. Your fantasy wedding is an event that requires careful planning and vision. As you approach this monumental task, take a deep breath and consider some anti-advice that will help make your big day fun and magical from start to finish.  So we asked Kendall Brown of Eclatante Event Design for advice:

Don’t be so sure. When you start the planning process, keep an open mind. Don’t discount any possibility, even if it differs from your original vision. For instance, a you might never have considered a Sunday afternoon wedding, until you find the perfect venue and the perfect long weekend to go with it.

Don’t consult too many people.  Too many cooks create confusion. Restrict your circle of advisors to a chosen few and be sure to trust your own instincts as well. Nobody knows what you want as specifically as you do. Conversely, don’t ignore the advice of those you consult. Most brides have never planned an event as complicated as a wedding. While you, no doubt, have brilliant ideas, allow trusted loved ones and pros to give you the benefit of their wisdom. Sometimes lessons learned by others can save you time, trouble and money.

Don’t treat a standard off-the-shelf to-do list as gospel.  The designing, planning and execution of large scale events is a dynamic process.   You do not want expectations or arbitrary boundaries set by others to drive your decision making. Every new idea should be given consideration based on its merit not because it fits any wedding model.

Don’t believe everything you read.   For instance, budget calculators you find on the Internet or in national magazines are not good predictors of how much money you should or will spend on various items. They can’t calculate your priorities, style, special choices and local norms. 

Don’t ignore the rules of nature.   Don’t plan an outdoor wedding in March. No matter how much your friends and family love you, standing on a beach with gale force winds blowing will put a damper on their enthusiasm. And a note of caution even within the safety of the indoors: If your venue tells you that its maximum capacity is 200 people, don’t invite 250 people. An otherwise perfect wedding reception will be ruined if your guests are crammed into a space that is simply too small. The catering staff will be tripping over your guests, most of whom will be waiting in bathroom lines so long they’ll miss the party.

Don’t disrespect your vendors by making payments late. While your wedding is the most personal thing you can imagine, it is your vendors’ business to assist you with it.  It is in your best interest to motivate them to go above and beyond the letter of their contract for you which will not happen if you don’t honor your end of the bargain.

Don’t ignore the old adage“you get what you pay for.”  If your only concern is the cheapest way to get things accomplished, then be prepared to accept the consequences. There may be a reason why your shuttle is so cheap.  Regular maintenance costs money. The last thing on earth you’ll need on your wedding day is stranded wedding party fuming beside a broken down shuttle.

Don’t dismiss the idea of hiring a wedding planner.  A good planner has the contacts with vendors and venues, has done the research and knows how to get results. He or she can help you get the best bang for your buck and sidestep potential disasters along the way. For instance, you probably wouldn’t think to check the height of the overpass half a mile away from your gorgeous farmhouse to assure that your shuttles and vendors’ trucks can easily pass under it.   A good planner would be aware of the situation and take measures to avoid it.

Don’t forget why you’re there. The most important words you’ll ever hear will be spoken to you on your wedding day. Do not get so wrapped up in the tiny details that you can’t hear your groom declare his love and commitment. Tune out all the other sounds, and focus on the moment at hand. Enjoy!

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For over two hundred years, the Navy repaired and maintained gigantic warships within the Philadelphia Navy Yard gates and along the Delaware River.   In 1996, the Navy left, leaving behind a true bounty – cast-iron columns, 2,000-pound overhead cranes, and walls decorated with graffiti and paintings by sailors working on ships.  Then in 2004, Urban Outfitters walked in and a genius concurrence of old and new, hip and traditional, industrial and organic happened.    

Fast forward to May 2008, to Matt & Lindsay’s wedding where the marriage of two young, independent people from families steeped in tradition was celebrated in perfect compliment to new Urban Outfitters headquarters at the old Philadelphia Navy Yard, Building 543.  [Click on the link to see some great Flicker Photos of Urban's headquarters.]

This drop-dead-gorgeous couple and their incredibly beautiful day was flawlessly captured by Cliff Mautner — who, by the was, has been recently named as one of the TEN BEST PHOTOGRAPHERS IN THE WORLD by American PHOTO Magazine!!!

After the romantic ceremony at the historic Rodeph Shalom, the guests were brought to Building 543.  Once inside, they passed a hanging plant garden, a huge, rusted and coiled Navy anchor and a hot pink mural.   During the cocktail hour, they stood next to the indoor ponds where Koi now swim, but where metal used to be bonded.  Inside the dining room, guests took in the view of the sleeping giants – enormous, majestic Navy warships moored on the Delaware River.    Then they danced all night to the amazing sounds of New York City’s Vali Music in the towering 65-foot industrial atrium.  

The secret to the perfect wedding décor, as envisioned by the bride and her mom, was its harmony with its surroundings.   Along with creating GORGEOUS bouquets and other arrangements for the ceremony, the team at Rhoades Garden, led by the awesome Shannon Chase, hauled in and wrapped large trees dripping with dendrobium orchids around the ginormous cast iron pillars.   The trees were illuminated by hundreds of hanging candles and flood lights.   The minimalist tabletop decor mirrored the environment flawlessly.  Then there were lanterns.   White Chinese lanterns played over the dance floor adding just a hint of whimsy to this incredibly stylish affair. 

One of the most important, yet most invisible players at this wedding was DBS Audio Systems.  I have no idea how many conversations, how many meetings and how many hours we logged talking about the sound issues at Building 543.  You see, Building 543 was constructed for one purpose — to repair and maintain warships.  It certainly wasn’t built as a venue for a great night of dancing by an awesome band.   But DBS (in addition to stringing up all those lanterns and thousands of lights!) did the impossible.   From what could have been an acoustical nightmare, the DBS team provided a venue perfectly suited for a great night of dancing and entertaining friends and family from all over the world and Philly’s backyard.   

The other great cast members that helped create this amazing wedding included Carolyn and her team at the Papery in Philadelphia (who were there at the drop of a hat when we needed them!) and the Frog Commissary.

Hope you enjoy the story of this truly remarkable wedding!

Heather & Ben,  a very cool couple we’ve been working with to plan their wedding this fall sent out these adorable Save the Dates.   I fell completely in love with the artwork and everything else I saw on the artist’s website.  The artist is Kris Chau and her studio is located on South Rosewood in Old City.   Check out her website:  http://www.krischau.com.  Her amazing work will keep you mezmerized for hours!  

Every year one of the biggest special event professional associations (NACE) holds a massive conference somewhere in the country for professionals in the “industry.” It happens to be in Philadelphia this year. That’s where I’ll be today through Wednesday. Trust me when I tell you that three-day long conferences with endless seminars back-to-back is not my idea of a good time. Plus, it really is hard to be away from the office for that long… but…

Today was a REAL TREAT…at today’s luncheon, the one and only Mindy Weiss provided us with a great talk on what’s she’s seeing in weddings these days and then entertained us all with some anecdotal fun stuff. What a doll. I tell you, if she hadn’t become the most famous and most successful event designer and planner around, she would’ve made a killing as a stand-up comedienne.

I’ll gladly pass along some of the fun insights she provided today, but the first thing I wanted to share was her response to a great question from the audience: “Mindy — you’ve shared with us some of the things you like and some of the recent trends in weddings that you’re enjoying, but what do you dislike that you’ve been experiencing lately?”

The following was her list of dislikes:

Putting a bridesmaid in charge: It almost never turns out well. Bridesmaids should never be in charge of anything but making a fuss over the bride.

Mean vendors: We all have had to to endure vendors who act like they’re doing YOU a favor. Solution: Don’t use them ever again.

Client insisting on the caterer (or chef) using family recipes: It’s a disaster waiting to happen. Along with insulting the chef, the client is setting herself up to be disappointed because no two people make the same recipe the same way.

Hanging seating cards: It just doesn’t work. Looking for each guest’s name is a nightmare.

Tacky DJ’s: Mindy’s imitation of a slick DJ was hilarious. “Classy DJs” are great, but loud, obnoxious “Let’s partaaayyyyeeeee” DJ’s are just awful.

And my personal favorite: PEOPLE WHO DON’T SAY THANK YOU. Enough said.

I’ll gladly share some of the new things I learn over the next couple of days with you, but this was a GREAT WAY to start the conference!!