In Part 1, we talked about the tables where your guests are seated.   Now, it’s on to place settings.

Setting a table is a simple matter of logic and symmetry.   You’ll see.

Photo by Marie Labbancz

First, let’s do a rundown of the elements that make up a table setting

PLATES

Charger (or “lay plate” or “service place”)

A charger is optional, but it is usually a terrific addition to the décor and function of service of your dinner– the bottom edge is aligned with the edge of the table.  It allows you to remove and replace salad and entrée plates while leaving an attractive plate at your setting.

Photo by Maggie Wallace Cullen

Dinner plate or luncheon plate

The large entrée plate is placed in the center of the charger.  If there is no charger, then the bottom of this plate should be placed about an inch above the edge of the table.

Photo by Marie Labbancz

Photo by Marie Labbancz

Salad plate

This really all depends on whether you’re having a sit down dinner at home or a large reception. and whether you want salad served after guests sit down.  When you serve the salad you can remove the dinner plate and replace it with the salad plate with the salad already placed.

Dessert plate

I’m really not a huge fan of a lot of plates at the table when people sit down.   For dessert.  I think it’s better to remove all of the plates (except for the cup and saucer) and place the dessert plate (and spoon and/or fork) when it’s time for dessert.

Photo by Sarah DiCicco

Cups and saucers

Again, I think these should be left off the table until you’re ready to serve coffee and tea after the entrée (usually with dessert).   Cluttering up a table is never a good idea.

Bread and butter plates

I love these little plates.  I often like to do something unusual with them as an accent to the table.  Usually placed above the dinner fork (the top left of the charger), they are use to separate bread and butter from the other foods on the salad or dinner plate.   I really don’t like having the actual bread and butter sitting at each place setting when your guests arrive in the room.  Although purist North American formal at-home dining etiquette removes the bread completely (way to formalistic for me!), I believe the more lovely way to provide bread and butter to your guests is to have it served once your guests have taken their seats.  This is especially true at a large reception where you have worked so hard to plan a meticulous and beautiful look on your table – without bread and pats of butter (don’t get me started on those shaped patties of butter) impeding your beautiful tablescape.

Photo by Michael Branscom

Photo by Amanda Kraft

GLASSWARE

So, there are a myriad of types of glassware, but, for the sake of yourself and your guests (and to minimize clutter on the table), keep it to these simple three types of glassware:  water, wine and champagne (if serving champagne at the table). Drinking glasses of any kind are placed the top right of the charger or dinner plate, above the knives and spoons.

Photo by Amy Deputy

Photo by Marie Labbancz

Water goblets are the largest glasses (can also be used for ice tea, unless you want to use Tom Collins glasses).  Red wine glasses then white wine glasses follow, and finally, the champagne flutes.   The water goblet  is placed directly above the knives. Smaller glasses are placed in front.  See the diagram below.

Depending upon the kind of party you’re having, you can, of course, use whatever glassware suits your party best.  You can also include a dessert drink glass if you’re serving sherry after the meal, but again, I feel that it is better to place that glassware after the dinner service has been removed.

FLATWARE

Honestly, there’s nothing particularly interesting about flatware — it’s just about placement.

Forks go on the left, knives on the right (and, usually, spoons). After that, logic takes over.  what you use first goes on the outside  – so, the salad fork is to the outside of the dinner fork; the soup spoon goes outside of the dinner knife.   After that, it’s just a matter of symmetry,

I’ve always liked waiting until dessert is served for the dessert spoons to come out, but sometimes, it’s just not practical.   In that case, placing the dessert spoon above the plates is fine.

Oh, and the knife blade faces the plate.

Here’s a diagram for you:

A:  Salad fork

B: Dinner fork

C:  Charger

D:  Napkin (which can go onto the center of the plate or, if you have a salad plate or soup bowl, to the left of the plates

E:  Dinner Plate

F:  Dinner knife (blade facing the plate)

G:  Soup Spoon or teaspoon (If you aren’t serving soup, then for the sake of symmetry, you could place a teaspoon in its place, which could, if you choose, be used for the dessert spoon later.

H:  Butter knife

I:   Bread & butter plate

J:  Dessert spoon (if necessary)

K:  Water Goblet

L:  Red Wine glass

M:  White wine glass

N:  Champagne flute

Trust me when I tell you that none of the rules are unbreakable.   They are much more like guildelines than rules.   Sometimes the reality of what’s happening on the table makes it less attractive or functional to change things around a little.

But always remember the Golden Rule we started out with in Part I –

It’s always about the hospitality.

So whatever you do, don’t confuse your guests with unnecessary pieces.   Keep it simple and lovely and your guests will be thrilled!

There are lots and lots of other things that happen depending upon the types of food you’re serving or the type of food service.   This is just the basics of a formal dinner table.

Now relax and have an amazing time!

There really is an art to throwing a great party — whether it’s a small intimate dinner-thing at your dining room table or a reception for 300 of your closest friends.   So, here’s the next golden rule:

It’s always about hospitality

I do acknowledge that there are far more important things going on in the world than worrying about how to set a table.   I also freely admit that knowing the in’s and out’s of how to throw a great party does not make me a candidate for the next Nobel Peace Prize.

But, honestly, if you’re going to go to all the trouble of getting things together for a dinner party or a reception, don’t you think you should go to the trouble of doing it right?  I’m a huge fan of getting the details right.  It truly is what sets a great party apart from a mediocre one!

photo by Marie Labbancz

Part 1:  The Size of the Dinner Table

One of the biggest (and most annoying) mistakes people make is to place too many people at their tables.  I can’t measure your dining room table, but I can step right up on my soapbox about how many people should be seated at the standard size dinner tables used at receptions.

No matter who tells you otherwise, it is not a good idea to seat 10 people at a 60” table or 12 people at a 72” table.  Why?  Because it’s really uncomfortable and has the personal touch of an annual meeting of an insurance company.  When you’re serving your friends and family, here is your rule of thumb:  about 2’ per person (a little less is okay, but don’t fudge too much).  Most of the time, for receptions, you will be dealing with square or round tables with the following dimensions:

So, for the comfort of your guests, 60” tables should seat only 8 people and 72” tables should seat only 10 guests.  (Don’t worry about the fractions, it’s not an exact science).

Rectangular tables come in lengths from 6′ to 10′ or 12′.   The same 2′ per guest applies.   But the widths of all rectangular tables are not equal — make sure the width of your table is at least 36″ if  you plan to have anything placed down the middle of the table.

Photo by Cliff Mautner

If you need some backup on this, here’s why it works best this way:

Photo by Michael Branscom

Photo by Marie Labbancz

This is how your table should look if your guests are having a great time and they have enough room to move around:

Photo by Sarah DiCicco

photo by Maggie Wallace Cullen

There’s no way this could happen at a cramped dinner table

Photo by Maggie Wallace Cullen

If you’re having a dinner party, be realistic about the number of people who can fit comfortably sit at your table – whether your having food placed on your table or not. It’s easier to bring in tables than it is to serve between crowded guests.

Part 2 will make it easy to set a great table.

The Golden Rule of Timing a Great Party

Part 2)   An amazing party.

If you read Part 1 of this little series, which included Rules #1 – #3, you know it’s all about the critical, albeit invisible, element of timing.

Rule #4:  Let the opening of the doors to the reception signal the beginning of your great celebration.

After an hour and a half of  mingling with old friends, drinking wonderful beverages and eating scrumptious and creative hors d’oeuvres and short plates, your guests should be feeling the anticipation of the great party in store for them. When you open the doors, they should be stepping into something new —   the music goes up several notches, the lighting moves to a whole different level and the decor gives them all that they’ve been waiting for.   What your guests see and hear should reflect your unique style and vision. Creating this new enthusiasm will inspire your guests to have a great time.

Photo by Mike Kehr

Photo by Sarah DiCicco

Photo by Cliff Mautner

Photo by Marie Labbancz

Rule #5)  Once your guests enter the reception, standing around is not an option.

Recently, we did something very fun.  Instead of introducing the bride and groom in the typical way, the bride and groom were dancing (perfectly lit, of course) when the doors were opened.  All the guests surrounded the dance floor. After a short time, the guests were invited to join the bride and groom at which point, they instantly became part of the party. That’s the goal.  You want to engage your guests into your party as soon as they walk in the door.

To accomplish that, remember this:  If nothing is happening, then your guests will do nothing.  But if there’s something to be paid attention to, they will. Nothing will deflate the enthusiasm for your party like downtime.  If that means you need to line up your wedding party for introductions right away, then make sure your wedding party isn’t hanging out in the bathroom.

Photo by Marie Labbancz

Rule #6)  Do not front load your party with a succession of  toasts and speeches.

Honestly, just don’t do it.   Almost no one is entertaining enough to keep your guests interested for more than three minutes.  ”Leave them wanting more” will never be more true than it is here.  If you must have several toasts, then space them out throughout your party.

Rule #7) Do something fun and different at some point in your party.

This can take on several forms, and should take not up a lot of time (do you see a theme here?).    Here are just a few suggestions.

Photo by Amy Deputy

Photo by Mike Kehr

Photo by Amy Deputy

Rule #8) The bandleader or DJ is not the final word on how your party should flow.

Don’t get me wrong, a good bandleader or DJ will know how to keep your party moving and energized. And will do everything possible to make sure it all happens right.  We know and work with some of the best musicians and DJ’s around, and they will take the flow of your party very seriously.  But there are some things they just don’t know because they’re not you and they’re not your planner (don’t get me started on band agencies that claim to be planners).   Furthermore, it’s perfectly okay to want a different kind of party than what that particular band is used to playing. For instance, most bandleaders don’t know when the photographer has left the room and wouldn’t think to delay the cake cutting until the photographer returns. (And yes, this is an extremely good reason to have a good, experienced planner on board).

Photos by Marie Labbancz

Rule #9) Be flexible.

Sometimes things just happen that are completely unexpected, which may require that things get moved around a little.  Do not let this upset you; some of the best experiences are borne from game day decisions made in the face of some unforeseeable happenstance.

Rule #10)  Leave them wanting more (the Golden Rule).

No more than four hours after the cocktail hour (or so) began, you should be saying your goodbyes.

Okay, that’s it.  Have an EXTRAORDINARY party!!!

The Golden Rule of Timing a Great Party

Part 1)   The Cocktail Hour (or so).

Most large events that include a dinner and/or entertainment start with a cocktail hour (or so) prior to the festivities really getting started.   The purpose of this is several-fold.  First, it’s a time for the guests to mingle amongst themselves, get a bit to eat and start getting the sense of your celebration.   Plus (if your celebration is a wedding), it gives you time to get through photos, then do some mingling of your own.   Because I HATE receiving lines (and I really really do) and I’m not a big fan of contrived table visits, either, I think a great cocktail hour (or so) is the key to a very successful celebration.

A truly great cocktail hour depends on some key ingredients:  1)  food & drink, 2) music and 3) lighting

Photo by Sarah DiCicco

Photo by Matthew Hollerbush

Rule #1:  Have enough food and drink and make sure it’s accessible.

There is really nothing less enjoyable than standing in line for food or at the bar (unless it’s standing in a receiving line — just sayin’).  It’s great to have food stations, but make sure there are passed yummies as well.

Photo by Barnaby Draper

The same goes for the bar.   To avoid a line forming at the bar, have wine, champagne and maybe a signature drink passed.   The number of bars, bartenders and food stations is dependent on the number of guests.

Photo by Michael Branscom

Rule #2:  Your music should not be loud or too hi-energy during the cocktail hour. Remember, the primary purpose of your cocktail hour is for mingling.  I’m all in favor of really interesting, fun music that steps a bit out-of-the-box, but make sure that it doesn’t overwhelm your guests’ conversation with each other and with you!

from lapisluna.com

Photo by Marie Labbancz

Rule #3:   Great lighting creates great atmosphere.

Enough said.

Photo by Cliff Mautner

Photo by Marie Labbancz

If you’re hosting a great cocktail party, then you can stop here (obviously).   Plan to start kissing your guests goodbye after about three hours.  Otherwise, if you’re moving on to the dinner/dance portion, my favorite length of a cocktail hour (or so) is about 1 1/2 hours.   But make sure you don’t run out of anything!

See you for Part 2 soon!

Let’s go for the easy answer first:  It’s almost NEVER a problem to bring a gift to someone, silly.

To alleviate some of the guesswork for when you should bring a gift, and what kind of gift you should bring, here are a few ‘lil guidelines:

If you are attending a cocktail party at someone’s home or a holiday open house, then a gift, while certainly appreciated, is not mandatory.  It is even less necessary if the cocktail party is being held someplace other than the hosts’ home.

If you are attending a dinner party, then a small gift is probably a good idea.

If you’re just casually getting together at someone’s home for a quick bite, then probably nothing more than a side dish or dessert would be necessary — but please, please, please coordinate any food you bring with the hostess.

Will you be sleeping at your hosts’ home?  Then, by all means, you should bring a gift in appreciation of your hosts’ hospitality.

So, now for the next level of complication – what to bring?

People LOVE to bring wine.   Because I entertain as often as possible, I have a great deal of wine in my basement from my very gracious guests (stored at the perfect temperature, of course!).   I think wine is a perfectly lovely hostess gift for a dinner party or anything other than an overnight stay.

To make things even nicer, consider giving the wine in a wine carrier that your host can use for the next dinner out at a BYOB (we were given wine in a wine carrier almost four years ago and we use it to this day.  And I still remember who gave it to us.) — and maybe a beautiful wine stopper to go with it all.

Gold Hatch Wine Carrier ($10)

• But if you’d like to bring something just a little off-the-beaten-trail, allow me to suggest a few little ideas that will make people feel really appreciated:

Perhaps you could make blueberry muffins and give it to them in a lovely basket tied with a bow — and include a great hot chocolate mix for your hosts to enjoy the next morning.

I LOVE these little Salt and Pepper Shakers – We’ve watched them fly out the door this season.

Are you staying for a day or two?  I think the most wonderful gift you can give someone is the gift of relaxation.   If you’re in Philly, allow me to make a suggestion. Right here on Liberties Walk, we have Spa East — a true urban oasis with the most amazing masseuses and body treatments I have ever encountered.

And here’s the final advice –

If you’re going to bring flowers (and that’s a lovely thing to do), then please bring the vase for them. You can pick up the most amazing flowers at the Beautiful Blooms Boutique just across from us on the Walk (but you already knew that, right?) along with a beautiful vase.

Or, of course, you can choose a different amazing vase or container at the Eclatante Boutique.

Okay, that’s my advice regarding host and hostess gifts.    Have a great time!

Okay, I don’t really mean that.   Especially since we’re lucky enough to be a block away from Brown Betty — creators of the the best cupcakes in the entire world!   One could never burn out on their cupcakes!

BUT, if you want to see what alternatives there are to cupcakes — take a look at these amazing dessert delights (churros, croissants (chocolate and otherwise), brioche and eclairs) – if this doesn’t inspire you to think outside the cake pan, nothing will!

These stunning eclairs are from Fauchon - a chic French Patisserie from where you can order these gorgeous morsels.

If you’re having an event with a Latin flair – look at the amazing delights — they’re dessert churros from Xooro (pronounced Sure-oh) — so yum!

Then again, there’s Patisserie Claude in the West Village in New York (187 W. 4th St., near Barrow St.).  The desserts there are so good it’s hard to believe it’s really possible!  Croissants,  brioche – simple things done extraordinarily well.   It would be well worth a trip to NYC to grab enough for the most amazing brunch or rehearsal dinner, dinner parties  or any other smaller gathering.   Your guests will never forget you!

Inquiring minds at Philly Mag want to know

Getting married again is a wonderful thing!   Given all the beautiful things that are coming together when people are getting married later in life, we believe that it is a life-changing event worth celebrating well!   Eclatante’s little niche with Later-in-Life weddings is becoming pretty well-known in the wedding circles. Thank goodness, people are finally catching on to how important these events are in people’s lives rather than treating them like there’s omething less-than about one’s last wedding (how silly)!

In Newport, RI (one of my very favorite places to disappear to — you really should go!) the extremely well-read Newport Weddings wedding blog gave their readers our advice on later-in-life weddings.

PS:  For more information about Eclatante’s focus on Later-in-Life weddings (or Last Weddings, as we like to call them), take a look at Special Events Magazine http://specialevents.com/weddings/Retying_the_knot_20070405/index.html

Are You Planning A Second Weddings In Newport R.I.?

We just can’t get enough of Anne Chertoff, Senior Editor of Brides.com and author of “From ‘I Will’ to ‘I Do’” wedding blog!    She is such GREAT source for all things wedding —  you should definitely come down and meet her on Sunday June 7th for Wedding Inspirations 2009

We love her so much that we also keep her expertise on hand all year round!   Of the many wonderful things in the Eclatante Boutique,  one of our favorites is the Russel+Hazel Wedding Organizer!  Anne Chertoff teamed up with Russel+Hazel to create this absolutely fabulous organizer.   I mean, really, this is the coolest planner I’ve seen yet!    

This chic binder comes complete with planning notebook, adhesive note set, section tabs with pockets, business card pages, and sheet protectors and more.  For ultimate customization, over 50 templates are available online for free. 

At the Boutique, we’ve downloaded everything for you and included the full set to get you started immediately.   All this is available to you at the affordably gorgeous price of $60!

And all brides and grooms — don’t forget about the June 7th Wedding Inspirations 2009 party!  I’m sure you will love meeting Anne in person and seeing the Philadelphia Wedding A-team in action!

This holiday season, like none other, we are struck by what it means to care about other people.   Our industry is fun, energetic and all about celebrating the best days of people’s lives!   But we also recognize that all that merry-making can stand in stark contrast to the effect the economy is having on people who aren’t exactly partying their way through the holidays. 

Eclatante (and many others, we hear!) has come up with a whole set of ideas for how to care about others as we celebrate with our own…

Holiday open houses, company parties, even small dinner parties are the perfect opportunity to extend the spirit of giving.   Small hostess gifts and guest favors can, this year, be small donations to charities.   Guests can arrive with toys or canned goods to give to homeless shelters.   Even presents to adults in your family (who really have it all anyway!) can be much-needed donation to charities who are really suffering in this economic downturn.   Here are a few of our favorites:

Helpusadopt.org –  dedicated to people trying to overcome the seemingly insurmountable financial challenges associated with adoption and to the thousands of birth parents selfless enough to let loving people adopt their children. P.O. Box 20435 – New York, NY 1002  Phone:  917.684.5484

The Support Center for Child Advocates – is the country’s oldest and largest pro bono legal and social services agency for children. The Support Center’s mission is to advocate for abused and neglected children in Philadelphia, with the goal of securing a permanent, nurturing environment for every child.  1900 Cherry Street Philadelphia, PA 19103 Phone:  267.546.9200 

The Philadelphia Council of Navy League – The Navy League is a civilian organization that supports active duty sailors, Marines and Coast Guard and their families.   We think there is no better time to reach out to the deployed and their family than over the holiday which can be so hard for them.   5344 Walden Way, Doylestown, PA 18901  Phone: 215.345.7596   

Or another great option is to give a charitable gift certificate at your company party gift exchange, as guest favors at your Holiday Open House or low-key dinner party or as a very sweet hostess gift.   Go to www.justgive.org where you can purchase a gift certificate for any amount and the receiver can choose their favorite charity.

just sayin’….

WISHING YOU AND YOURS AN EXTRAORDINARY HOLIDAY SEASON!   

  I was very excited when Main Line Magazine asked me to write an advice column listing the top ten things to avoid when planning a wedding. The feedback has been wonderful!   I thought, just before the second 2008 Wedding season hits, you might want to take another look at it!

So much advice. So many critical decisions. Your fantasy wedding is an event that requires careful planning and vision. As you approach this monumental task, take a deep breath and consider some anti-advice that will help make your big day fun and magical from start to finish.  So we asked Kendall Brown of Eclatante Event Design for advice:

Don’t be so sure. When you start the planning process, keep an open mind. Don’t discount any possibility, even if it differs from your original vision. For instance, a you might never have considered a Sunday afternoon wedding, until you find the perfect venue and the perfect long weekend to go with it.

Don’t consult too many people.  Too many cooks create confusion. Restrict your circle of advisors to a chosen few and be sure to trust your own instincts as well. Nobody knows what you want as specifically as you do. Conversely, don’t ignore the advice of those you consult. Most brides have never planned an event as complicated as a wedding. While you, no doubt, have brilliant ideas, allow trusted loved ones and pros to give you the benefit of their wisdom. Sometimes lessons learned by others can save you time, trouble and money.

Don’t treat a standard off-the-shelf to-do list as gospel.  The designing, planning and execution of large scale events is a dynamic process.   You do not want expectations or arbitrary boundaries set by others to drive your decision making. Every new idea should be given consideration based on its merit not because it fits any wedding model.

Don’t believe everything you read.   For instance, budget calculators you find on the Internet or in national magazines are not good predictors of how much money you should or will spend on various items. They can’t calculate your priorities, style, special choices and local norms. 

Don’t ignore the rules of nature.   Don’t plan an outdoor wedding in March. No matter how much your friends and family love you, standing on a beach with gale force winds blowing will put a damper on their enthusiasm. And a note of caution even within the safety of the indoors: If your venue tells you that its maximum capacity is 200 people, don’t invite 250 people. An otherwise perfect wedding reception will be ruined if your guests are crammed into a space that is simply too small. The catering staff will be tripping over your guests, most of whom will be waiting in bathroom lines so long they’ll miss the party.

Don’t disrespect your vendors by making payments late. While your wedding is the most personal thing you can imagine, it is your vendors’ business to assist you with it.  It is in your best interest to motivate them to go above and beyond the letter of their contract for you which will not happen if you don’t honor your end of the bargain.

Don’t ignore the old adage“you get what you pay for.”  If your only concern is the cheapest way to get things accomplished, then be prepared to accept the consequences. There may be a reason why your shuttle is so cheap.  Regular maintenance costs money. The last thing on earth you’ll need on your wedding day is stranded wedding party fuming beside a broken down shuttle.

Don’t dismiss the idea of hiring a wedding planner.  A good planner has the contacts with vendors and venues, has done the research and knows how to get results. He or she can help you get the best bang for your buck and sidestep potential disasters along the way. For instance, you probably wouldn’t think to check the height of the overpass half a mile away from your gorgeous farmhouse to assure that your shuttles and vendors’ trucks can easily pass under it.   A good planner would be aware of the situation and take measures to avoid it.

Don’t forget why you’re there. The most important words you’ll ever hear will be spoken to you on your wedding day. Do not get so wrapped up in the tiny details that you can’t hear your groom declare his love and commitment. Tune out all the other sounds, and focus on the moment at hand. Enjoy!

******

Log onto Mainline Magazine

Every year one of the biggest special event professional associations (NACE) holds a massive conference somewhere in the country for professionals in the “industry.” It happens to be in Philadelphia this year. That’s where I’ll be today through Wednesday. Trust me when I tell you that three-day long conferences with endless seminars back-to-back is not my idea of a good time. Plus, it really is hard to be away from the office for that long… but…

Today was a REAL TREAT…at today’s luncheon, the one and only Mindy Weiss provided us with a great talk on what’s she’s seeing in weddings these days and then entertained us all with some anecdotal fun stuff. What a doll. I tell you, if she hadn’t become the most famous and most successful event designer and planner around, she would’ve made a killing as a stand-up comedienne.

I’ll gladly pass along some of the fun insights she provided today, but the first thing I wanted to share was her response to a great question from the audience: “Mindy — you’ve shared with us some of the things you like and some of the recent trends in weddings that you’re enjoying, but what do you dislike that you’ve been experiencing lately?”

The following was her list of dislikes:

Putting a bridesmaid in charge: It almost never turns out well. Bridesmaids should never be in charge of anything but making a fuss over the bride.

Mean vendors: We all have had to to endure vendors who act like they’re doing YOU a favor. Solution: Don’t use them ever again.

Client insisting on the caterer (or chef) using family recipes: It’s a disaster waiting to happen. Along with insulting the chef, the client is setting herself up to be disappointed because no two people make the same recipe the same way.

Hanging seating cards: It just doesn’t work. Looking for each guest’s name is a nightmare.

Tacky DJ’s: Mindy’s imitation of a slick DJ was hilarious. “Classy DJs” are great, but loud, obnoxious “Let’s partaaayyyyeeeee” DJ’s are just awful.

And my personal favorite: PEOPLE WHO DON’T SAY THANK YOU. Enough said.

I’ll gladly share some of the new things I learn over the next couple of days with you, but this was a GREAT WAY to start the conference!!

For a while now, people have been daring to send blank response cards in their invitations.

Just like fill-in response cards, blank response cards are coordinated beautifully with the invitation. They, too, say something like kindly respond by such -&-such-a-date across the top or the bottom. They’re even tucked in nicely under the flap of the self-addressed, stamped return envelope. Nothing could be easier.

But here’s where it all gets a little crazy. There’s nothing else — no______________ , no menu choices, no box to check whether you accept with pleasure or regretfully decline. Nothing. Just a blank card.

Now What?

Response cards by Two Paper Dolls

Card by The Papery of Philadelphia

Do you remember the first time you got one of these? I do.

I consider myself to be a pretty well educated woman, but for a short time after receiving my first blank response card, I was completely stymied. I turned the card over and over and searched the invitation for another card. After discussing it with friends, I finally came to the inevitable conclusion that there really is only one option. I was supposed to actually respond in my own words to the invitation. In other words “be clever”

So, here’s the important question:
What happens in reality?
I asked stationery professionals and couples who have used the blank cards and here’s what I found out.

Are couples happy about their decision to use a blank response card?
Absolutely! So fun to get them!! Personal messages were so much better (I thought) than the fill-in. Karen

the blank cards were wonderful. I got wonderful “letters” written to us that I will cherish forever! I have them all in a scrapbook on black paper – makes them pop and looks fantastic. Tara

We’ve got poems and drawings and all kinds of silliness. Ah. Yes. I can’t recommend blank RSVP cards highly enough. The entertainment value alone is worth any possible mix-ups. Anon Blogger

They wrote about how they’d known us since we were little, or about how they were related…just to give some context for the wedding. We’ve got them all saved in a scrap book, Lauren & Josh

I think it really revealed a cool level of creativity from some folks, but confused others, If I had it to do over again, i’d probably put something on them to make sure that we got all the information we needed (name, number of attendees, steak/veggie, etc.)….It’s a Mixed bag. Dustin

What do the Professionals think?

Its the most old fashioned way to send an rsvp card. It’s also so much fun to read the great notes and messages people will send back in regard to their excitement about your upcoming event. my personal feeling is, unless you have to have check boxes, leaving a blank space for people to respond and be creative is exciting! Vanessa, Owner Two Paper Dolls

The notes couples receive on blank response cards create a great keepsake. I have brides who are reluctant at first, but love the outcome. It’s such a way to combine the old and the new. People can respond with traditional responses or they respond with fun greetings. Years and years later, the couple can look at those cards and really remember the people at their wedding. Carolyn, Owner Papery of Philadelphia

Some of our favorites

Here’s one from Laura Novak’s blog.

Very touching
The wedding will be a beautiful and wonderful day! Our wishes for you both are for love, oy and friendship always. Be kind to one another — that will see you through any trying time. Remember how you felt the day of your wedding…. It is an honor to be part of such a wonderful event, for two very special people. Tara & Scott

Great Story
My sister had a friend from college with whom she had a running joke about pizza delivery. On his response, he wrote that he wanted “Dominoes”. So she had a pizza delivered to his table during dinner. Karen

I’m so confused!

Problem: the not-helpful response card:
One guest replied very simply with (not another word) — the bride had to track him down to identify him. Other guests may not think to sign their names!

Solution: itsy bitsy numbers on the back of the card in a bottom corner. Each corresponds to the number of the line on the excel spreadsheet where the guests information resides. Voila!

Problem: Friends call:
Some people will contact the couple and will ask questions about how to respond:
A few people (mostly my friends) called to say, “Umm….we’re not sure how to respond to the wedding. What do we put on this card? “ Josh

Solution: When the phone rings, say hello to your friends and answer their questions. It’s fun to communicate with people about the wedding!

Tell us what you think of blank response cards!

My good friend Janie from “The Bride’s Cafe” — one of the very best wedding blogs around (as proclaimed by InStyle Magazine!) — asked us to come up with ideas for Green Weddings for Real People. It was great fun to work with Janie again – always an honor and a pleasure!

Log onto The Bride’s Cafe — not just to read Eclatante’s tips for Lite Green Weddings, but to get a gander at some amazing eye candy and to gather some excellent information about what is going on in the world of great weddings.